sHeNzEe's wOrLd: cartoons

Showing posts with label cartoons. Show all posts

HDH Week #27: Cowboys

>> Wednesday, August 27

More humor here!

A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brught to the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies, "Ah shore do, wardn. Ahd be mighty grateful ifn yood play Achy Breaky Heart fur me bahfore ah hafta go." "Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that," says the warden. He turns to the biker, "And you, biker, whats your last request?" "That you kill me first."

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A cowboy rode into town ...

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.

He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

"I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!"

HDH Week 26: Lawyers

>> Wednesday, August 20

More jokes?! Click here! Yes here!

Consultation fees

A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."

"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.

Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.

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Client oath

HDH Week 23: Getting Older

>> Wednesday, July 30

Getting older could be fun.. Click here!

YOU'RE GETTING OLDER WHEN...

You and your teeth don't sleep together.

Your back goes out, but you stay home.

It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.

You look for your glasses for a half an hour, and then find that they were on your head all the time.

You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.

You're suffering from Mallzheimer's disease. You go to the mall and forget where I parked my car.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.

You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.

desperate smokers

>> Sunday, June 15

I received this one from my mail. Thought, I'd share it with you. This is hilarious (so I think..).

With the gradual increase in prices, who knows what smokers will do.. teeeheee.... It's very unlikely that something this (the people in the pic) would happen, what dya tink? :)

Hump Day: Dieting

>> Wednesday, June 11

more diet humor

"Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever."

Some Facts About Diet

It's something most of us do religiously: We eat what we want and pray we don't gain weight.
Sweets are the destiny that shapes our ends.
The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat.
The most fattening thing you can put in an ice cream sundae is a spoon.
A diet is when you have to go to some length to change your width.
Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two...alone.
Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.
A diet is what you go on when not only can't you fit into the store's dresses, you can't fit into the dressing room.
A diet is the modern-day meal in which a family counts its calories instead of its blessings.
One guideline applies to fat and thin people alike: If you're thin, don't eat fast. If you're fat, don't eat - FAST.

"Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies..."

Happy dieting everyone!! :)

Shenzee (d hyena???)

>> Sunday, April 22

My friend, Zr, said my name sounded like that of Shenzi the hyena in the Lion King. So I search for some info about her and this is what I found out... teeehheee...

Shenzi, voiced by Whoopi Goldberg, is one of the three hyenas in the animated film, The Lion King. She has a full name according to Timon in Lion King 1 1/2. Get this, her full name is Shenzi Marie Predatora Veldetta Jackalina Hyena. Is that cool or what?! In Swahili her name means "savage", "demon", "uncouth". Ok F.Y.I. im not like that... she may be my namesake but I'm far from those traits... hehehe She appears to be the leader of the trio since she's the most intelligent among the three (and the only female).
Well I might as well include here two sidekicks, Banzai and Ed, since the trio would not be complete.

Banzai, which means "skulk" or "lurk" in Swahili, seems to be almost hungry all the time (now this I can really relate to...) . Banzai was voiced by Cheech Marin.

To complete the trio, Ed, which seems to be everybody's favorite, is the considered to be the most stupid among the three. He never speaks in the movie but has a different laugh for every situtation. He always has this stupid smile on his face even when he is nervous. He is voiced by Jim Cummings who has an incredible record of being a voice-over actor.

I always enjoy watching these three trying to carry out Scars plans, making a lot of mistakes along the way, but seem to get away with it. heheh Ok.. maybe I'll watch the Lion King again.. Talking about this made me miss that movie so much.. hehehe