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As I lay my head
On love's deathbed
Come the tears of pain and sorrow
Wash away the dreams of tomorrow
Like rain that falls on a summer day
Pouring so easily...
so softly...
so sadly...
Like streams that flow across mountains
Rushing so freely...
so gently...
so helplessly...
Like the night that comes to cease the day
Bearing the painful truth of reality
That swallows my only hope of life
Destroying our precious paradise
Here I am
Trying to hold back the tears
Knowing our time is about to end
Losing the very thing I hold so dear...
For one moment, I just want to scream till my throat hurts and I can't scream no more. There's this rage inside of me that I'm trying to restrain yet wanting to let out. I don't know what to say anymore.. I don't know what to do.. All I can do is cry till my tears won't fall anymore. Is that even possible? I can't be mad at you. I can't blame you for leaving... I can't make you stay.
Why?! Why did you have to come into my life when you're just going away? Why do you have to leave me here... crying...pleading...helpless... and broken.
I fear that someday time would keep us apart. But before that happens, I hopeRead more...
that you have felt, even for just a single chance that I tried to love you...
the best way I can.
My friend, Zr, said my name sounded like that of Shenzi the hyena in the Lion King. So I search for some info about her and this is what I found out... teeehheee...
Shenzi, voiced by Whoopi Goldberg, is one of the three hyenas in the animated film, The Lion King. She has a full name according to Timon in Lion King 1 1/2. Get this, her full name is Shenzi Marie Predatora Veldetta Jackalina Hyena. Is that cool or what?! In Swahili her name means "savage", "demon", "uncouth". Ok F.Y.I. im not like that... she may be my namesake but I'm far from those traits... hehehe She appears to be the leader of the trio since she's the most intelligent among the three (and the only female).
Well I might as well include here two sidekicks, Banzai and Ed, since the trio would not be complete.
Banzai, which means "skulk" or "lurk" in Swahili, seems to be almost hungry all the time (now this I can really relate to...) . Banzai was voiced by Cheech Marin.
To complete the trio, Ed, which seems to be everybody's favorite, is the considered to be the most stupid among the three. He never speaks in the movie but has a different laugh for every situtation. He always has this stupid smile on his face even when he is nervous. He is voiced by Jim Cummings who has an incredible record of being a voice-over actor.
I always enjoy watching these three trying to carry out Scars plans, making a lot of mistakes along the way, but seem to get away with it. heheh Ok.. maybe I'll watch the Lion King again.. Talking about this made me miss that movie so much.. hehehe
Don't you just hate it when someone totally ignores you?! Or maybe just forgot about you?! Ok so I'm complaining again… it seems that's all I've been doing these past few days. Am I just asking too much or maybe I'm just so selfish... Or maybe I'm just expecting too much.?! That's why I keep on getting frustrated. It just seems everything must come first before me... is that selfish?! Damn! What does a girl have to do to make a point?!
(Note to Lorselle: I'm in a bat-swinging-wanting-to-smash-someone's-head mode today.)
In time, I’ll try to say goodbye
Longing for the day when I’ll see you cry
Oh, this cold and lonely heart of mine
Vicious and grieving
Endlessly deceiving
Yearning for time to take away the pain
Only emptiness…
Under the morbid rain
Nothing.... that's all I'll ever gonna say to you. When you ask me what I'm thinking... nothing. When you ask me what's wrong... nothing. How can I find the right words to tell you everything that I'm feeling. All my hopes, my frustrations, our dreams, our failures. How can I be so selfish not to let you go? But I can't let you turn your back on your dreams. I just wish I'm still part of it. Can you still remember the words you said? The plans we made? The dreams we shared?
Every day I'm counting down to that moment when everything will surface, when my world would change, and my life would take on a different meaning. Every night I cry myself to sleep wondering if I'm still a part of you... wanting to reach out, yet finding myself holding back. It breaks my heart to see you smile at me not knowing that I'm crying inside. Crying for all the things that could have been. I can't go on living like this but I can't go on without you...
We Walk in Silence
We walk in silence
Along the cool waters of the sea
Unafraid of the darkness beyond
‘Cause the stars are smiling down on you and me
We walk in silence
Hand in hand beneath the clear night sky
Two hearts beat as one
Making the cold nightwind sigh
We walk in silence
Guided by love’s everlasting light
Unaware of each other’s feelings
As we glide through the cool summer night
We walk in silence
Hoping that time will be on our side
Not knowing what the future holds
Whether or no our worlds will collide
We walk in silence
Afraid of losing our hearts tonight
Making our worlds crumble down
Giving up without a fight
We walk in silence
Thoughts race in our minds
Turning away to different paths
Searching for the perfect love that we’ll never find
im on a bad mood today.. 
...go figure...
a woman's body language... to men who try to figure out women.. ha! gud luck!
ARE YOU WILLING TO: This means you better do it.
FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of "those" arguments.
FIVE MINUTES: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING: This means "something" and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and will end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine", and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you over "Nothing".
SOFT SIGH: Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sigh" means that she is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe, and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead". At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say "you're welcome".
THANKS A LOT: This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing".
Handwriting:
Men: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.
Women: Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot the "i" with circles or hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in the "p" and "g". It is a pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she will put a smiley face at the end of the note.
Groceries:
Women: A woman makes a list of things she needs, then goes out to the store and buys those things.
Men: A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the express lane.
Relationships:
Women: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.
Men: A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.
Sex:
Women: They prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay.
Men: They prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place part of the foreplay.
Maturity:
Women: They mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults.
Men: Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.
Magazines:
Men: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body.
Women: Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.
Bathrooms:
Men: A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
Women: The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man cannot identify most of these items.
Shoes:
Women: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.
Men: A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. Let's not talk about how many days he'll wear the same socks.
Cats:
Women: Women love cats.
Men: Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
Children:
Women: A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
Men: A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Dressing Up:
Women: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.
Men: A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.
Laundry:
Women: Women do laundry every couple of days.
Men: A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants (the ones that were hip about eight years ago) before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old episodes of "Love American Style."
Eating Out:
Men: When the check comes, each man will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
Women: When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.
Mirrors:
Men: Men are vain and will check themselves out in a mirror.
Women: They are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, bald guys' heads.
Menopause:
Women: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual.
Men: Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction - he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.
The Phone:
Men: Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people.
Women: A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
Richard Gere:
Women: Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way.
Men: Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women.
Madonna:
Same as above, but reversed. Same reason.
Toys:
Women: Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.
Men: Men never grow out of their toy obsession. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive, silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TVs. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate.
Cameras:
Men: Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes.
Women: Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures.
Locker Rooms:
Men: In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.
Women: They talk about one thing in the locker room - sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.
Movies:
Women: Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man.
Men: The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.
Jewelry:
Women: Women look nice when they wear jewelry.
Men: A man can get away with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.
Conversation:
Men: Men need a good disagreement to get talking. For instance, "Wow, great movie." or "What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size."
Women: Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men by saying something agreeable: "That garden by the roadside looks lovely." "Mm hmm." Pause. "That was a good restaurant last night, wasn't it?" "Yeah." Pause. And so on.
Leg Warmers:
Women: Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants.
Men: A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the "Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line."
Friends:
Women: Women on a girls' night out talk the whole time.
Men: Men on a boy's night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass the Doritos" or "got any more beer?"
Restrooms:
Women: Women use restrooms as social lounges. Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. Women also go to the restroom in packs, at least two women at a time excuse themselves to use the restroom.
Men: Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each other. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?"
im scared... scared of finding out the answers... tomorrow i will know.... it's not the answer that will hurt me, it's this waiting that will kill me for sure...
whatever i'll find out, i'll go through another process again and again.. until it will drive me crazy... until i stop taking... stop looking... finally give up and stop believing.. and cease on living...
I was going thru my old things in my cabinet yesterday and i found my old notebook which i write everything (and absolutely everything) that goes into my head... i gues that was my old version of "blog"... hehehe i found this poem which i wrote for my english class back in high school.. check this out..
Tragic Love
The coldness of the night engulfs me
I close my eyes but I still I see
Those meaningful moments we once share,
Your gentle smile and your eyes full of care
Tears of pain blur my eyes
Wondering if you could hear my cries
Lonely is the night without your love
I cry for a miracle at the heavens above
Rescue me from the despair, Beloved Angel of Mine
I seek thy love, oh please give me a sign;
Hoping to end this agony in my life
Bringing me anguish, like stabbing me with a knife
Oh where are you, Beloved Angel of Mine
I seek thy love, oh please give me a sign;
Save me from the burning rays of agony
From this prison of pain, please set me free
Here in the dark I cry helplessly
Surrounded by the walls of agony
Amidst the lonely moan of the moonlight
I find myself trembling with fright
Staring at space, looking at nothing at all
My head is spinning trying to take control
Confusion has turned my world upside-down
Now I have to face this tragedy alone
When will you come for me, Beloved Angel of Mine
I seek thy love, oh please give me a sign;
How can I tell you so that you can feel
The love I have for you, my friend, is real
Hear my cries, Beloved Angel of Mine
I seek thy love, oh please give me a sign;
I long for the comfort of your warm embrace
I yearn to see the smile on your face
The coldness of the night engulfs me
I close my eyes and now I see
The painful truth of reality
That you will never be here for me
Amidst the cold night rain, I break down and cry
Thinking of the truth makes me want to die
I have given you all the love in the world
Yet you never even utter a single word
Can you hear me, Beloved Angel of Mine
I seek thy love, oh please give me a sign;
If only it would be so easy for me to let you see
The love I have stored in my heart for thee
back to work again.. how i wished my vacation was longer.. i spent my five days sleeping and eating and going to church... i never went to different places (as what i have planned before).. oh well.. at least i was able to rest for a couple of days..
so here i am again.. trying to read and edit these articles, wishing i am somewhere else.. some place where i can forget all these...
don't get me wrong i like my job, i enjoy reading.. but its the place and the people that gets to my nerves... oh well can't love them all can i?
Read more..."Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live."
-Margaret Fuller
yay.. i'll be taking a 5-day vacation.. finally i can rest.. no way am i gonna render overtime... my eyes hurt and my head is about to explode.. im about to break down... im in the brink of insanity... i really really really need this vacation to replenish myself... teeeheeee
til later....
So here I am in the office again and its a Sunday... Its suppose to be a restday and they're requiring us to render overtime just because we wont be working for 5 days next week. Is that even legal?!
This is one of the reasons why I'm starting to hate this place. We're working ourselves to death and what do we get in return? Nothing... Absolutely nothing.
Bear with me while I keep on complaining.. that is what I'm doing this days... haaaaayyyyy....
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